How to Use your Love Language Differently?

Love languages, you’ve probably heard of this concept. If not, it’s stemming from the book ‘The five love languages: how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate’ by Gary Chapman. In 1992 he distinguished 5 different ways of expressing and receiving love: quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. The idea is that we each have a preferred category and knowing this can help us communicate our needs to our loved ones and also understand our partners (or friends and family) better. If you’re now curious about Chapman’s categories and which one makes your heart beat faster, you can take an online quiz here.

Today, I was thinking about this concept in a more general sense. Specifically, I was thinking if knowing how we feel most loved and appreciated by others could help us connect more deeply with ourselves. Especially in these weird lockdown times, it’s really valuable to look at how you spend your time alone and think about ways that would make it more fulfilling. That’s why I wrote done the following two questions for myself:

  1. How do I feel most appreciated and loved by my loved ones?
  2. How can I apply this to my time alone?

Answering these seemingly simple questions on paper provided me with more clarity and a new idea.  I definitely recommend you doing the same! I will share my answers with you as an example:

In this moment in my life, I feel most appreciated and loved when I’m asked interesting, fun or deep questions about myself and there being the time and peace to elaborately discuss them together. While thinking about my answer to this question, a memory popped up from when I was in Sri Lanka with dear friends. One of them had this tiny booklet filled with random personal questions to ask loved ones. During a long bus ride one afternoon, we decided to ‘play this game’ in a group of three. Even though we already knew each other quite well, we connected on a new level. I felt so energetic, inspired and loved in that moment. The same thing happens to me when phone calls, meet-ups or dates go past the usual catch-up and standard questions. Translating these memories and feelings into an answer made me more aware of myself and my needs.

Question two brought me the idea to connect my current love language to my love for writing. I’ve always enjoyed answering original journal prompts and creative writing assignments, but I spend very little time doing it. Seeing that this type of activity is what I long for in relationships, made me realize I want to make more time doing it as a solo activity. It’s different than doing it through conversation with others, but it does fulfill me creatively and helps me connect to myself.

I got new inspiration from these journal prompts and maybe you will as well! And if you’re unable to translate your love language into a solo activity, shoot me a message and we’ll see what we can come up with together.

Lots of love,